Part 5

12.

It was, as I remember, second week of April and I was attending the chemistry class in the institute. I was a bit hot.

‘Hey dude, could you check if I’m feverish. I don’t feel great.’ I asked Jatin, a guy sitting next to me.

‘You do kinda feel hot.’ He said touching.

‘Thanks for the compliment. But I’m not your type, I mean, youw know!’ I said smiling as I rested my head on the bench.

‘Shut your hole! Hey it’s your turn to pay for the momos.’ He said.

‘Yeah yeah. I remember.’ I replied unenthusiastically. Lately I had been addicted to momos. Me and Jatin took turns to pay for momos. There were many small stalls of momos in Kalu Sarai where most of the IIT-JEE preparation institutes were situated. It was crammed up area, kind of filthy with narrow streets running here and there. These stalls were breeding ground for germs to stuff up your asses.

After the class, we both walked upto the momo’s stall. Several other kids had gathered around the stall to get their plate. We got our plate and started gobbling up those hot steamed balls.

Later that day, as I reached my home, I was really unwell. I entered the house and just collapsed upon the bed.

‘Are you all right?’ Aunty asked.

‘No.’

‘Why what happened?’

‘Fever.’

‘Are! Then take the medicine and lay down and rest.’ She said sympathetically.

I took an aspirin and went to sleep. Day by day my condition deteriorated. At first I thought it was just a viral fever and would wear off soon, but the temperature soared day by day, and it soon became unbearable within a week.

The doctor flashed his torch into my mouth which was gaping. Then he checked my eyes and then wrote some prescription.

‘You need to be here tomorrow morning for a blood test. Till then take rest and don’t eat anything spicy or fried.’

‘What do you think it is doctor?’ My cousin asked.

‘I feel its typhoid.’ He said.

‘What have you been eating these days.’ Doctor asked me.

‘A lot of junk, I guess.’ I said timidly.

‘Very well then, it’s most probably it. But you’re coming here for the blood test.’

I nodded

Later next day, I was conversing with Kartikey on the phone.

‘What’s with you? You got AIDS? Told you don’t go around sticking into every slut and bitch that crossed your path.’

‘Yeah for sure. Doc feels its typhoid. Gotta wait a day more to get the confirmation letter.’

‘Oh poor you gonna die? Don’t worry. I’ll give Sabinah my shoulder to cry at your funeral.’ He said happily.

‘Yeah, like she will be crying at me even if I die. Hey has she left the school. Never seen her since the session started.’

‘No dog, she has a retest in chemistry. She’ll be back as soon as the results of the retest are out.’

‘Hmmm. And where do you get all those news from.’

‘Sandhya, she’s my friend as well.’ He said happily.

‘Yeah good. Now I’m not feeling well. Just keep those class notes handy. I will be needing them. Aur apni bhabhi ka dhyaan rakhiyo mere aane tak.’ I said before hanging up.

‘OH, dhyaan to rakhunga, par wo teri bhabhi hai. Chal bye.’ He hung up.

Meri bhabhi? Perhaps Kartikey needed a straightening up. But I’ll take care of that later. I laid back into my back into the bed and drifted into dreamless sleep.

Later next day, I was diagnosed of typhoid. Guess the momos had shown their effect. I was instructed to rest for a couple of weeks. I was actually glad as that meant no going school or institute. Uncle was not impressed by the development at all. He kept reminding me of the losses I was facing at school and institute, and how it is important for an IIT aspirant to stay in the pink of health. I guess I didn’t fall into that “IIT aspirant’ category. By the time I recovered April had almost ended. That meant that summer vacation had started, and that meant the institute will increase its frequency of classes to fill up the vacant slots.

…………………………………………….

I was late for my class. Safdar was teaching something as I entered the class as I entered and made my way towards the last bench which was the only bench available. I sat down and took out my register and started jotting down whatever was written on the board. The board heading read ‘Functions’.

It was first class after a long time. I tried hard to grasp whatever was taught.

‘Achcha ab tumhe pata karna hai ki ye function continuos hai ya nahi. Tum kaise karoge? Tum kis point par suck karoge?’

As soon as he finished that last sentence there were snickering in the class, but I couldn’t control myself and laughed out loud.  Safdar meant to say ‘tum kis point par shak karoge?’ but his Bihari accent made him say something absolutely different, if you get what I mean.

As soon as I laughed he gave me a nasty look and called me out.

‘Tum sabse piche, khade ho jao.’

‘Uh oh! I am totally fucked up now. ‘I thought.

‘Batao, agar ek function f(x) aur dusra function g(x) dono continuous hai to f(x) upon g(x) kya hoga?’

Damn, how would I know? I could barely make out the chapter which was going on. Moreover, I didn’t wish to tell my ‘RAM KATHA’ of being sick and all that in front of whole class. But I had to answer. By applying logic if f(x) and g(x) is continuous then the third one sounds continuous as well.

‘Sir continuos.’

‘Bas continuos? Aur kuch nahi?’ He asked.

‘What is he talking about?’ I thought.

‘Hey its continuous provided g(x) not zero.’ A guy in front  prompted.

‘Sir, it is continuous provided g(x) not equal to zero.’

‘Are you sure?’ He asked.

‘Yes sir.’ I said with some more confidence.

‘Hmmm. Achcha baith jao.’ He said, giving me a suspicious look.

‘Oh thanks a lot man. You saved me from being skinned alive.’  I thanked the guy.

‘Oh no problem. That was an easy one.’ He said.

‘Yeah, for sure an easy one.’ I said sarcastically.

Now a big problem was at hand. Safdar had noticed me. He is gonna fire a lot questions at me. I felt like a rabbit exposed off his hiding place with a drooling wolf lurking. I’ll be dead soon.

The very next day, I was sitting in Safdar’s class. He was discussing the answers and doubts of the previous day’s homework. I was barely paying attention because I hadn’t done it. Obviously I wasn’t attending class for a long time, I don’t know shit about the subject so doing the homework was out of thoughts. But when your luck is rotten, you get struck at the most vulnerable moment.

‘Tum khade ho jao.’ Safdar said pointing at me.

‘Oh no, not again.’ I whined as I stood up.

‘Batao question five kaise kiye ho?’ He asked.

‘Sir, nahi kiya hai.’

‘Kyun nahi?’

‘Sir topic nahi aataa tha.’ I said meekly.

He asked few more students, and caught a few who hadn’t done the homework.

‘Tum sab, mujhe milo class ke baad.’ He ordered us.

Damn. I was fucked.

…………………..

‘Bhen ka lodha saala randy ki paidayish.’ Another boy said as we walked up to his room after the class.

We entered that whore’s room. He say there, serious faced, ready to fuck us up from head to toe, that too black and blue.

‘Kyun nahi padhte ho?’ His first question. A few students gave their excuses. I decided to stay shut. After interrogating a few students he turned to me.

‘Tum kaha rehete ho?’

‘Sir R.K. Puram.’

‘Ye to paas mei hi hai. Fir late kyun aate ho?’

‘Sir tabiyat kharaab hai.’

‘Aur homework kyu nahi kiye ho?’

‘Sir tabiyat kharaab thi, isliye class nahi aa paya tha.’

He just stared at me. Then ordered us to leave the room. As I left the room, I was glad it was over. But though I feared worse was yet to come. My intuitions can be right sometimes.

13.

My luck was running after me with a battering club those days. There was nothing going my way. I checked out the time table. The first class was supposed to be of physics and the last Maths. Great ! That meant I could be a little late to the first class which was in the morning, and then could finish my homework in the lunch break. Moreover, this time homework was an assignment consisting of questions related to the topics of 11^th grade which I never touched. So I couldn’t do that myself. I had to copy it from someone.  

As soon as I entered the building, the caretaker called out ‘Peheli class Safdar sir ne leli hau. Jaldi jao.’

‘Bhenchod, saala meri kismat jahan bhi jagah mile waha danda ghusa deti hai.’ I thought as I ran towards the class. I peeped into the class and saw Safdar addressing the class.

I straight away walked into the class and quickly trotted over to a distant vacant seat. Just as I took of my bag I heard that mofo’s voice.

‘Mr. R.K.Puram, homework kare ho?’

Ahhh.Fuck. Not again. I turned around to face the devil.

‘Uhm. No sir.’

He had a really satisfied smile on his face. He enjoyed the whole scene.

‘Achcha. Koi nahi. Is question ka answer batao aur baith jao.’

‘Okay sir.’

‘Two lines ke bich ke angle ko bisect karne wali line ka formula batao.’

‘Oh. I’m dead surely this time. I have no idea about this one’ I thought.

‘Bhosdi ke kuch bata.’ I poked a boy sitting next to me.

‘Bhen ke land mujhse mat bol. Saala mujhe bhi utha dega ye maadarchod..’ He replied in a whisper.

Safdar kept standing, intently looking at me with a demonic smile. He knew I won’t be able to answer. He enjoyed the time lapse. He said after a while

‘Achcha dusra bata do. What is snell’s law?’

‘Hey, I think I had heard that somewhere. But where?’ I though for a while till I toatally blanked out. I had no idea what to do. I had been knocked out, waiting for Safdar to perform his FATALITY move on me, like those in the TEKKEN game.

‘He will soon rip me apart. He will definitely call my uncle this time’ I thought. No way out this time.

‘Ye bhi nahi bata pa rahe?’ He asked, surprised. Then he turned to another guy ‘Tumhe bhi nahi ata hoga?’

‘Ata hai sir.’ He said as continued with something bullshit about mews and sine thetas.

Then Safdar turned his gaze to me ‘Tum mujhe class ke baad milna.’

I sat down, holding my head.

‘Beta tu to bura wala chud gaya.’ A guy next to me said. Yeah! Thanks for the warning, like that was required.

The class felt like eternity. Safdar kept on blabbering about some crappy graphs and all other non sense. Finally the class got over and Safdar motioned me to follow him. The next moment I was standing in front of Safdar in his room as he took out his fancy mobile and said

‘Apne guardian ko phone milao.’

‘Sir, sir please rehendo! Sir main blanck hogaya tha class mein’

‘Achcha, abhi jo puchunga to bataoge?’

‘Sir try karunga.’

He handed me a pen and a paper.

‘Ellipse ki  eccentricity ka formula likho.’

Definetly I didn’t know anything, I was trying to stall him. I scribbled down some bullshit equation on the paper and pretended as I was thinking. After a while he lost patience and snatched the paper and read it.

‘Ye ellipse ki equation hai?’

I kept quite.

‘Ye circle ki equations hai.’ He said sternly looking at me with burning eyes.

‘Number batao guardian ka.’

I was out of my thinking capabilities now. I didn’t feel like arguing and dictated my uncle’s number.

‘Naam kya hai tumhara?’ He asked.

‘Sir, Adish.’ I said softly.

‘Hello, hanji main Adish ka Maths teacher bol raha hun  institute se. Sir ye bataiye kya Adish ghar mein padhta hai?’ He finished and then listened intently.

‘Nahi sir main isliye puch raha tha kyunki inko bilkul koi bhi formulae nahi aate. Maine pucha aur ye ek bhi nahi bata paye.’ He replied and again paused as he listened to the voice from the other side.

Few minutes later he disconnected and then stared me.

‘Padhna shuru kardo. Apne mummy papa ka paisa barbaad mat karo. Agli baar agar main tumse puchunga to tumhe bataana hoga, nahi to puri class ke samnei tumhe jhaapad marenge.’ He finished and then gestured me to leave.

‘God, kill him, please kill him.’ I thought as I left his room.

Later that day, I was on my way home.

‘Uncle must be home by now, what am I gonna do?’ I whined as I reached for the door bell and pressed it. My cousin opened the door, and the look on his face to explain the mood of my uncle. I walked straight into the innermost room to my aunty, avoiding uncle’s gaze who was watching T.V.

‘What happened.’ My aunty asked as I entered the room.

‘Kya batau. Tauji ka kaisa hai mood?’ I asked.

‘Achcha nahi hai.’

‘Tumnein aisa kya kar diya jisse us teacher ne ghar phone kar diya?’ My cousin asked, entering the room.

‘Pata nahi, wo mere piche hi kyun pada hai.’ I replied

‘Achcha tauji bula rahe hai jao.’

I slowly walked towards my uncle and said.

‘Aapne bulaya?’

‘Haan aao baitho.’ He said casually, which took me by surprise.

‘Kya hua? Teacher ne phone kyun kiya?’ He asked softly.

‘Main abhi to bimaar tha. Abhi thoda time to lagta hai jo loss hua hai recover karne mein. Par sir ye baat samajhte hi nahi.’ I thought I had a good excuse.

‘Hmmm. Dekho mujhe bohot ummeed hai tumse. Apne pure parivaar mein kisi bhi bachche mein wo talent nahi dikha jo tum mein dikha. Agar tum nahi success ho pae to main apna prayaas pura vyarth maanunga.’ He sounded a bit let down. ‘So work hard and leave the rest to god.’ He said.

I left him, a bit shaken up. I thought he’s gonna bash me up, instead he really sounded sad.

‘Aw, fuck it. I need a sleep.’ And then I went to my bed. That was one heck of a bad day.

14.

 ‘Lol Adi tera to KATTA ho gaya.’ Atul said, laughing.

‘Sahi mein yaar. Bura wala katta.’

‘Saale Adi tu chutiya hai. Bunk kyu nahi kar leta institute.’ He asked.

‘Nahi kar sakta yaar. Saale ghar phone kar dete hai jab bhi koi absent hota hai.’

‘Abe to tune use number kyu diya? Mera dedeta. Main guardian banker baat kar leta. Nishant ne to apna number de rakha hai institute mein papa ke naam pe.’ Sarth said.

‘Yaar itna sab dimaag mein na aya. Ab chhod. Jo hua so hua. Tera retest clear hogya’ I asked Sarth.

‘Oh kabka.’

I was with Sarth and Atul. It was a glad day off from the institute, and uncle had gone somewhere out of station. Aunty was really ‘supportive’ and cousins ignorant. This meant I could go around with my friends. We were on our way to nearest cyber café, for a showdown of Counter Strike.

Soon we were firing shots and throwing grenade at each other. Sarth turned out to be the best player, and me the worst. Every time they saw me, they pummelled me with their knives while I figured out what hit me.

After over an hour of bloody bath, I finally gave up and we headed our way home.

‘Adi teri to maarli aaj.’ Atul poked me.

‘Saale ruk tu. Ab main bhi khelna shuru karunga CS. Fir dekhenge kaun mast khelta hai.’ I took offence of Atul. Now I gotta be a pro in CS. I wish I had taken offence of Safdar, but I had sadly FORGIVEN that sinner.

That night I was studying for a change now. I was going through the topics which were to be covered within a week for a test in the institutes. I slogged it out till late night  when I called it quits.

The next day I was sitting in maths class. The other teachers didn’t bother me at all, while Safdar bothered me like a thirsty mosquito. I had anticipated that Safdars gonna have another go at me, and this time I was ready.

Like I thought, soon Safdar addressed me.

‘Mr. R K Puram, khade ho jao.’

‘Yes sir.’ I shouted at the top of my voice, like a soldier which made everyone laugh.

‘Ab jabki usna mera rape kar hi diya hai, to sharmaana kaisa’ I whispered Jatin. I could see Safdar smiling as well, not a warm smile, but an evil one.

‘Second question kiye ho?’ He asked me.

‘Teri maa chodi hai bhosdi ke.’ I whispered under my nose and then said loudly

‘Yes sir, saare question kiye hai.’

‘Saare question kiye ho?’ He sounded surprised.

‘Haanji sir.’

‘Puchle kuch bhi?’

‘Bilkul sir.’ I said, confidence oozing in my voice.

‘Chalo baad mein kabhi puchenge, baith jao.’

As I sat down, Jatin whispered

‘Tune to dara diya isko.’

I laughed. ‘Bhai confidence hai abhi. Padh ke aya hun.’

The summer vacations flew by, and the classes continued. Safdar regularly poked fun at me. But as long as he kept his bloody caller away from my uncle’s, I was more than satisfied.. I guess he had given up on me, and I was glad at it. The vacations came to an end, and I had studied a bit, just a little bit, enough to make me cross the fifty mark line in the coming exams in the school.

15.

 The first day of school after a vacation, and for me first day of school after a really long time. It was great to be back, back with all your friends around, back with all the bakchodis.

‘Oye kuch padha tune chhutiyon mein?’ I asked Kartikey.

‘And shand baatein mat kar. Kuch na padha maine.’

‘Bhot badhiya fir to. Pata hai na do hafte baad exams shuru hai?’

‘Do hafte? Bhot time ha fir to. Ho jaega sab.’

‘Achchi baat hai tu agar kar sakta hai to. Meri to what lagi hui hai. Padhne ki koshish karta hun par kuch samajh hi na ata.’

‘Wo sab chhod, ho jaega sab. Tujhe pata hai aaj Sabinah aayi hai.’

My heart somersaulted  as he said that. But I tried to show like I didn’t care.

‘Haan to main kya karu?’ I replied.

‘Achcha to tujhe kuch na karna? To main hi apna sikka try karta hun.’

‘Bhosdi ke gand maar lunga teri. Baitha reh shanti se.’

‘Meri to usse aaj baat bhi hui.’ He said with a cunning smile.

‘Tu yahan joota khaega, principal ke saamne khaega, ya fir uske samne khaega?’ I retorted.

Later, as the lunch break started, I went out to take a piss. As I came back, I saw my tiffin box being tossed from one corner of the class to another.

‘Abe oo. Betichodo, ye kya kar rahe ho?’

‘Bhai Adi tera lunch faad tha. Aunty ko thank you bolio meri taraf.’ Pant said, his mouth puffed with food. I ran and grabbed my lunchbox.

‘Randi khoro, saalo kuch to chhod dete khaane ke liye.’ I shouted at them. My lunch box was totally cleaned up, not even the aluminium sheet was left. Guess those distressed devils had devoured it as well.

‘Koi nahi Adi, ye sab to chalta hai.’ Sarth said.

‘Haan thik hai, ab kha liya to kha liya.’ I said with a glum face.

‘Chal niche canteen tak chalte hai, shayad koi bakra mil jaye.’ Atul said.

We made our way downstairs. As we passed the bunkers point, my heart skipped a beat. I saw Sabinah, along with Sandhya and Kartikey.

‘Adi, tera dost to tera katta kar raha hai.’ Atul said.

‘Gand maraye sala.’ I said.

‘Adi sach bol raha hun. Bechare Kartikey ka to pehele ek baar to katta ho chukka hai. 1 saal se bechara Mahima ke piche tha, par Nayan aate hi uda le gaya usko.’ He said, laughing.

‘Kya bola? Kartikey Mahima ke piche tha?’ I asked him, amused.

‘Tujhe abhi tak ye nahi pata? Sabko pata hai ye baat to.’

‘Achcha? Mujhe to nahi pata thi ye baat. Puchunga usse.’

We reached canteen, where we Gujju sucking on a cream roll like a female porn star. Atul, Sarth, Nishant and Pant ran towards him like scavengers. Gujju, noticing the attacked, and gulped the whole cream roll at once.

‘Maadarjaat, Gujju saale bhaag kahan raha hai. Khila kuch.’ Pant screamed.

‘Abe paise nahi hai ab mere paas.’

‘Achcha to check karwa. Jitne paise milenge sab mere.’ Atul said.

‘Saalo ghar walo ko paise bhi dene hote hai waapas.’ Gujju replied.

‘Aagya na aukat par. Paise hai na tere paas. Ek samosa to khila de.’ Atul persuaded him. By the way Atul had a masters degree int the art of persuasion. He, as I had heard, had persuaded a guy to propose a girl 6 years younger than him. (He should be held for child abuse for that).

In the end, we guys ended up with one samosa each, thanks to Atul. Gujju kept cursing us under his breath. What else can he do.

‘Adi aaj sham ko hai institute?’ Sarth asked.

‘Nahi. Meri classes ab weekends par hai.’

‘Sahi hai fir to. Aayga aaj sham ko CS?’

‘Thik hai. Ajaunga.’

I was sleeping that evening, when I heard my mobile phone ring. It was Sarth. I picked up and spoke in a hoarse voice.

‘Halo!’

‘Abe madarchod kahan hai? Reply kyun nahi karta messages ka?’ It was Atul on the other side.

‘Yaar so raha tha!’

‘Uth sale. Jaldi aja DMS par. Sarth bhi hai. Jaldi aja’

I woke up in a hurry, got ready and ran upto the DMS store.

‘Bhosdi ke late kara diya na.’ Atul said.

‘Abe dus minute hi to hue hai aane mein. Kyun naatak kar raha hai.’

We walked together as Atul fluffed his ear with his earphones. Soon he took out his plugs and asked

‘Adi tune ye wala gaana suna hai?’ He asked offering one of his earphone to me which I plugged into mine. It was the first time I heard a song by Eminem. Kinda good, I thought.

‘Kaun hai ye singer?’

‘Tujhe ye nahi pata? Abe sale Eminem hai.’

‘Hmmm. Mast hai. Song kaunsa hai?’

‘Superman.’

‘Chal sahi hai. Aaj download karta hun’

We reached the café. I had brought my pendrive along, to copy the game CS. Remember, I had challenged Atul that he will get the better of me. After an hour of game of CS, I copied the game and we left.

That  night, after my uncle went to sleep, I crept upon the computer table, switched it on, an copied the game. After half an hour of playing, I switched the computer off. It was risky as my uncle could wake up anytime.