Part 11

25.

 A week passed by and it had started to get awry in my head. A month ago I was confident that everything would be ‘fine’. But now I had started feeling the heat. BOARDS, COMPETETIVE EXAMS, COLLEGE. They had started to make much more sense. I had started thinking about them.

‘You have to do it son. Your brothers future also depends on you. Your father had a lot of expectations from you.’

‘Mom. Stop it. You are not helping. Your just adding much more pressure.’

‘No. No. Don’t take pressure. Study calmly. Don’t think about results. Just put in your best efforts and leave everything to God,’.

Yeah. Leave everything to God. Bhagwaan hi maalik hai ab to. And talking to Mom didn’t make me feel better. Instead, she added hell of a pressure by her emotional speeches and sobbing. She couldn’t quite pick herself after fathers death. And being the eldest son I had started to feel the pressure somewhat. Add to them my uncles scoldings and Safdars comments. I had started to feel worthless myself.

But that wasn’t the case when I was among the friends as their condition wasn’t any better.

‘Thanks a lot,’ Sabinah said. She thanked me for all the effort gone into the computer project. We were sitting at the Bunkers. This time no interruption.

‘So you finally checked out the program. Eh?’

‘Yeah! They worked.’

‘Ofcourse they will.’

‘Yeah I know. Thanks again.’

‘Hmm! Just a thanks?’ I heaved.

‘Tell me what else do you want,’ she said, smiling innocently.

‘WHAT ELSE DO I WANT. LET ME THINK.’ I gave her a really naughty smile.

‘Yeah. Go ahead. Tell me,’ she said after a brief pause.

‘Ah! Nothing.’  She didn’t understand the signal.

‘Come on. Tell me. It’s fine.’

‘Nothing at the moment. I will tell you when I will need something,’ I replied back, sensing it was worthless to continiue the subject.

‘Okay!’ She whispered.

‘Waise kal kyun nahi aayi thi,’ I asked her.

‘Mann nahi kiya,’ she spoke gently.

Wow. Really I couldn’t imagine a day without being at school. How can we possibly skip school?

‘Waise I missed you yesterday,’ Hey now I had told you I wasn’t good at flirting or those senti and romantic talks. But atleast I was trying.

‘Ohkk,’ She said even softer than before, with a apparent forced smile on her face.

Yeah. Okay. DAFUQ. That has always been a conversation killer. Realising that it wasn’t getting anywhere with her at the moment, I decided to take leave.

‘Man! This is just fucked up.’ I thought as I stepped on the stairs towards my class.

Time passed on as we entered into late November. Understanding the complexity of the situation, I had started studying somewhat. But the problem was, the more I studied, the more I realized I was fucked up, brutally, adding even more pressure. I would find comfort among the gang. So I started hanging out with them a bit more, specially Atul. You should just see him counseling.

That wasn’t the only reason of me getting a bit low. I had tried everything to woo Sabinah(tried to be a good guy and all that stuff). But she seemed unresponsive to flirting. Yeah, she was really friendly. But I am talking about something more than friendship or even good friendship. I was like ‘FRIENDZONED’.

………………………………………………………

I was at the playground along with other guys when a bunch of big guys came.

‘Oye Adi. Wo bhaiya jo hain na sabse left mein?’ Atul said pointing towards a tall and skinny guy.

‘Haan. To kya?’

‘Unhone hi bataaya tha wo Sabinah waala kand. Unhe pata hai puri baat’ he whispered, with seriousness in his voice.

‘Kaunsa? Wo subway wala?’ I asked while he just nodded.

‘Chal fir chalke puchte hai?’ I said. I didn’t really believe in all those rumours.

‘Abe ruk saale. Akele mein puchenge,’ He suggested.

‘Thik hai,’ I nodded.

An hour later, we finally found the guy a bit saperated from his group. We both made our way towards him.

‘Bhaiya aapse kuch baat karni hai,’

‘Haan bol,’ he said in a heavy voice.

‘Bhaiya wo bandi pata hai na. Sabinah. Gori si. KV ke piche jo reheti hai?’

‘Haan achcha wo. Kya hua?’

‘Ye uska banda hai. Aur ye wo subway wali baat puchna chahta hai,’ Atul said and I saw the guy’s expression turn serious.

‘Bhaiya kya sach mein kuch hua tha?’ I asked and he just raised his eyebrows a bit with a mild nod.

‘Kya hua tha?’ I aksed.

‘Kya karega jaanke,’ He asked seriously.

‘Bas aise hi puch raha tha,’ I was taken a bit aback by his attitude. As if he didn’t want to talk about the issue.

‘Kya karega? Wo to uska past tha. Tu uska present hai. Present par dhyaan de,’ He walked away. Guess nothing more could be extracted from him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

I was in class gorging on Rawat’s lunch. In a distant seat was Harsh and his gang of mischief makers. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sabinah walk past the corridor. Harsh saw her too.

‘Adi. Jaa baat kar,’ he shouted. I tried to ignore him.

‘Adi chutiye jaa na,’ He screamed again, this time his group joining in as well.

‘Kya hua?’ One of the guy in his group asked. He was friend of Sabinah. He used to go to tution classes along with her and resided near her house. Harsh narrated about my crush on Sabinah to him.

‘Adi main baat karau teri,’ He offered.

‘Na rehene de. Main khud kar lunga,’ I replied.

‘Abe kara deta hun na.’ He shouted her name as she stopped while crossing the door of our class.

‘Kya hai?’ She asked him with an irritated expression on her face. Guess she wasn’t that good of a friend as he claimed she was.

‘Wo tujhse kuch baat karna chahta hai,’ He said pointing towards me. As he did that, Sabinah’s expression changed instantly to a warm smile and she walked upto me. Other guys observed the whole issue closely.

‘Kuch baat karni thi?’ She asked with a really gentle and shy voice. But I was too shocked by the development. Talking to her in front of whole class, specially rowdies like Harsh was a different matter. I just stood dumbstruck.

‘Kya hua?’ She asked.

‘Kuch nahi. Kuch nahi. Ah. Kuch nahi aise hi bulaya tha. Project dekh liya?’

‘Ah. Haan par abhi thik se nahi dekha. Dekh lungi.’ She replied.

‘Okay. Chalo baad mein baat karta hun,’ I tried to wrap it up. She nodded and left. Just as she left my surroundings exploded.

‘Yeah Adi. Ab to pro maar hi de,’ Harsh shouted.

‘Kyun be?’

‘Abe chutiye. Dekha nahi kitne achche se smile karke tere paas aayi. Wo bhi sabke saamne. Saale bohot badi baat hoti hai,’

‘Chal be.’ How would I explain him that I had already done what he was asking me to do.

‘Bhenchod. Tu chutiya hai. Main hota to kabka pro maar chukka hota,’ He replied.

‘Haan Adi. Waise shayad wo karti ho tujhe pasand,’ Rawat who was standing at a distance spoke for the first time. I wasn’t sure if she really liked me or not. But it was sure that she didn’t want to be in any relationship. And that was the end of the argument.

November ended, and my academic condition wasn’t as I had planned (it never was), and I had started to suffer mild depression bouts, specially whenever I conversed with Mom. The future had started to look bleak.

I had returned from coaching class and was taking a nap. That’s when I received a text message. It was from Sabinah.

‘Hey Adi u der?’ It read. I replied to it and waited for the her reply. In a minute or two, the phone vibrated.

‘Hey I lost the cd of d prjct nd dun hav a backup of data. Dun know at 2 do. BTW how r u?’

She sounded hurried. Poor girl is in sticky wicket. But obviously I was there to save the day. Here jumps in the Supaman.

‘no prob. I’ll gve u anodr cd. Kab chahiye?’ I pressed in the message and pushed the send button.

‘Abhi?’ she replied.

‘k. at modr dairy in 10 min.’ I quickly got up and ran towards the washroom.

‘Damn! I look horrible,’ I quickly splashed water on my face and rinsed my hair. Ten minutes I was at mother dairy waiting for her. Soon she was in sight, walking briskly.

‘Here you go,’ I said handing her a C.D containing the data.

‘Thank you very much,’ she said, indebted by my help.

‘Koi na yaar.’

‘Waise tum casuals mein smart lag rahe ho,’ She said.

‘Oh thanks,’ I wasn’t really used to these kinds compliments. I felt flattered.

‘Chal yaar chalta hun. Kaam hai,’ I said, taking a leave. Though I really wanted to kill time with her, but uncle at home would kill me for killing time. So with a heavy stone on my heart, I walked back home.

……………………………………………………………

A week passed by as I tried to concentrate on studies. But there was just too many distractions. Rawat would message me now and then to come online to play CS.Facebook. Then ofcourse Sabinah. Suddenly I could feel our relationship moving forward. She was taking interest in me and it was evident. She would call me whenever she was free, would offer me to sit beside her in computer classes ( Agree or not, girl is a hell of a distraction, specially if it’s your first time). And then there was Safdar who would add to my mental torture, throwing me into deeper depression. It was probably the last class of the institute. But institute had organized extra preparatory classes for the willing students, optional class. And there was no way I intended to attend those. I had enough of Safdar for the rest of my life. I would be having a horror time trying to shake of his nightmares, ‘A plump guy with an evil demonic smile and awefull bihari accent’. But since it was his last class, he was going to add a final blow my already crippled confidence and self esteem. I had actually decided to skip his lecture. It being the last, there was no way he could do about it later, except calling home. I had an excuse ready.

‘I have to study for school exams,’ I was to say.

I had packed up my bag and as soon as I reached the door, I saw Safdar approaching.

‘Kaha ja rahe ho,’ He asked with his trademark devilish smile.

‘Ghar. Sir preboards ke liye padhna hai,’

‘Jao jaake baith jao,’ He said.

‘Sir please. Exams ke liye padhna hai,’

‘Bol diya na. baith jao. Do ghante mein tum kya board top karoge?’ He replied. Realising that there was no way he was letting me out, I stomped back to my seat.

‘Achcha to aaj hume extra class ke bare mein baat karni thi. Extra class kaun kaun karega,’ He asked. Many students raised their hand. Definitely not me.

‘Mr. R.K.Puram. Tum nahi karoge class attend?’

‘No sir,’ I replied softly.

‘Haan waise bhi tum kya karoge class attend karke. Tum to board jo top karoge,’ He said as other students laughed. I wasn’t amused at all.

‘Accha to class kise attend karni chahiye. Mr. R.K.Puram jaiso ko to bilkul nahi. Warna hum unko sidha class ke bahaar kar denge,’ More laughter. I now seriously wanted to kick his ass really bad. Okay fine I wasn’t really awesome at studies. But that didn’t mean he has the right to poke fun in front of the whole class. Somehow I managed to complete the class. As I left, I felt like a gladiator who had just won over the colosseum. But Safdar’s comments had left a deep scar inside.

I met Nayan at school about couple of days later at school. Poor guy had a long break due to jaundice.

‘Aur bhai tabiyat thik hai ab,’ I greeted him.

‘Thik hi hai. Hundred percent to nahi. Bas chalne laayak ho gaya hun.’

‘Bhai tera to kaafi loss ho gaya hoga,’ I offered my condolence.

‘Haan yaar. Cover up karunga. Aur kya.’

‘Haan sahi hai. Waise bhi hum roz aate the. Humne kaunsa kuch ukhaad liya.’

Later at lunch. I was with Sabinah when I saw Kartikey and Sandhya involved in a serious conversation.

‘Guess they are too busy too,’ I said, laughing.

‘Yeah I guess so.’ Sabinah added.

‘They look serious. Maybe another fight.’

‘No. Not fight. You don’t know?’ Sabinah looked amazed.

‘What don’t know? What’s cooking among you guys?’

‘Kartikey likes Sandhya,’ She replied after a pause.

‘Kartikey what? You got to be kidding.’

‘No it’s true.’

‘Now now. Kartikey has got a whole lot of explaining to do,’ I said, trying to keep my expressions as normal as possible, which was really hard at that moment.

………………………………………………………..

‘Fuck. Man kill yourself. You proposed her and she rejected.’ I was almost shouting.

‘Yeah. She is already in a relationship with Sharath.’ Kartikey replied.

‘ This is happening then I bet I could fly.’

‘I know man. If someone would have told me that I would have fallen for her a year ago, I would have died laughing.’ Kartikey defended himself.

‘Actually I am having the same feeling. And if you want to die this is the perfect moment to end your life.’

‘Come on man. She has been one of my closest friend. It’s only natural I fell for her.’

‘Yeah and get rejected, and that too for a twit wit like her. And wait a sec, she is your closest friend, and she never told you about her relationship. That’s natural, too’

‘That’s what I’m pissed about. She never bothered to let me know about it. I had been her friend for over three years.’

‘Look, first of all a boy and a girl can best friends. I need not explain.’

‘Yeah fuck that shit. I need to concentrate on my studies now. Fuck girls,’ He shouted.

It is amazing how a rejection can suddenly instill such maturity and sincerity in a boys life. They want to study, friends are now more closer, and poor creatures turn in saints, advising every other boy who was running after a girl against it. JUST AMAZING.

‘So your going to study. Not really your forte.’ I commented.

‘Yeah. You know what. I know I have potential to achieve a lot of things. I just need to put in my efforts sincerely,’ he said.

‘THE REJECTION. THE REJECTION,’ I thought. He has to get over it. Quicker the better.