3.
‘Why does he keep staring me like that’ Mahima said, quite seemingly agitated.
She was talking about Praveen a.k.a GUJJU(the same guy from the institute. He was also called GUJJU, I guess as he was gujarati.) who used to stare at her most of the time.
‘He even abused you yesterday in the bus.’ Kartikey burst into the conversation.
‘What did he?’ Nayan came in. ‘Let’s go and teach him a lesson or two, should we.’
‘Yeah, go and talk to him.’ Mahima said.
‘Hey no fighting guys. Just shut up and sit down and let him do what he wants to, at least when he is not harming you guys.’ I said trying to calm the two boys down. Lately I was quite reluctant to get into a brawl or physical fight, though I had not been that way from the beginning. I was known to be really aggressive boy when I was younger, but somehow I had changed.
‘Tu chup reh fattu. Agar teri behen se koi aisa karta to?’ Kartikey objected.
‘Woah, calm down boy. I am just saying don’t go too overboard with ….’
‘Are you coming or not’ Kartikey interrupted.
‘Hell NO’
‘Okay then, come Nayan lets go and show this guy something’ Kartikey called, leading the way.
The next thing was Kartikey grabbing Praveen’s collar, a scuffle, with a few boys trying to separate the heat.
Suddenly Praveen burst out of the gang and walked out of the class, teary eyed.
The next thing I remember was that almost whole class was sitting at the Bunkers trying to sought out the dispute. Poor Praveen, I thought. He must have been blaming me as I used to talk to him in the institute and he had confessed to me that he had a crush on Mahima.
That very day I met him in the institute, like I always did since he had changed his batch and we had become batch mates.
‘Maadarchod, tu bhagja yahan se.’
‘Tu chutiya hai kya? Tu Mahima ko kyun ghurta rehta tha bhosdi wale?’
‘Sale tune hi unko bataya hoga sab kuch, saale khabari.’
‘Maine kuch nahi bataya. Maanle to sahi hai warna ja ma chuda.’ I said in a firm voice.
‘To fir unhe kaise pata chala?’
‘Maa ke lodhe tu usko ghurta reheta tha aur sochta tha ki unko pata nahi chalega ki tu use like karta hai. Jaise sab chutiye hai aur tu hi hai ek akalmand’
‘Main kab ghurta tha.’
‘Ja ma chuda bhosdi ke’
‘Oye bin bhosde walon, result agya hai. Check karlo’ A boy shouted at the top of his voice.
We all rushed up to the board. I frantically searched my name in the sheet of students.There it was. I had scored 89 out of four hundred something and had missed the last spot by some margin. Some achievement I guess. But Gujju was right at the second last place.
‘I beat you, you son of a bitch.’ I hollered at him and stomped away. The fucking schedule was eating me up these days. You had to go to school, rush back home, and then rush back to the institute. By the time you reach home it would already be 9 o clock and there would hardly be any energy left to study. There were 3 to 4 coaching classes in a week. At the weekends, Uncle and Aunty would visit my mom at Gurgaon, so I was usually left with my cousins who rarely bothered me about studying. Hence nobody keeping a tab on me, it was really hard for me to study. Who would study? A normal guy wouldn’t. And hence it was showing in my result.
Gujju caught up with me soon after in the class.
‘Hey we gotta study. We should keep our minds of these girls and all that stuff and just study.’
‘YOU should keep your mind and EYES as well of Mahima, you bitch. Or else you will manhandled by Kartikey or Nayan once again.’
‘They won’t be able to touch me.’
‘Oh really. I thought I saw Kartikey slap your balls out?.’
‘You dickhead, I was the one who slapped Kartikey.’
‘Oh did you? And then you went crying out because you felt really bad for slapping him, you got kinda senti, aint it?’
‘I wasn’t crying!’ Gujju snapped back.
‘Oh! So do your eyes perspire?’I said sarcastically. ‘Want me to change you diapers my little baby?’ I was enjoying now, getting up his ass.
‘Keep quite you bitch, or do you want me to show you what happened.’ He shouted, totally red faced now. And I didn’t want him to get physical. He was one huge boy and I knew I won’t be standing a snowball chance in front of him, specially with no Kartikey around to protect my buttocks.
‘Okay, you win.’ I said calming him down.
Now coming back to the real issue, I realized that it had been over 3 weeks since school started and I didn’t even know how the books looked like. ‘Better get to work.’ I instructed myself.
The next day, we were sitting in chemistry class as Charulata’s taught something regarding the bonds and all that stuff. The problem was that she was spitting the words at a rapid rate while I tried to figure out what she was up to. 5 minutes later I gave up but she kept her bazooka fired up on all cylinders.
After chemistry, it was turn of the physics to fuck us up. Came in our respected physics teacher Mr. Sharma scratching his huge belly as he walked in.
‘Okay, so have to start Friction.’He said as he turned to the board and drew some figures.
‘So find the acceleration of the block when the coefficient of friction is zero point five.’
‘Hey how can he give us a question when he hasn’t taught us anything?’ I asked Kartikey, who by then had become a good friend of mine and was sitting next to me.
‘He just did. He probably assumed we have studied it in our coaching or some shit.’ He shrugged.
‘Do you have any idea how to go about this problem?’ I asked him back.
‘No idea.’
I took a look around to see if I could get some help. Mr. Sharma had a nag of picking out students who looked totally clueless to answer the problem. Suddenly Unnam came into view.
‘Hey Unnam, how to solve this one?’
Unnam’s eye lit up as I asked him the solution.
‘Look, the gravity is acting in this direction but the motion of the body will be in that direction so friction will act in this direction. So and if we subtract the force exerted by friction, which is equal to the mew times the cos component of weight, from the sine component of the force acted by the gravity and divide it by the mass of the object we will get the acceleration of object.’ He finished in single breath, his hands pointing in two opposite direction indicating some sort of intergalactic forces. I looked at him, eyes wide open as if he had thrown a grenade at me, which in fact he did.
‘Very good, keep going.’ I replied giving him a thumbs up.’Don’t forget to pass on your notebook when you’re done.
‘Here you go.’ He said, passing on his notebook.
‘What the fuck..’ I almost cried out for the whole class to hear it.’Your done?’
‘Yes’ was the obvious reply by our genius.’Infact, I had been laying idle for quite some time.’
‘Well your quick, Mr. Einstein.’ I appreciated him, which he didn’t seem to acknowledge.
‘Make him your good friend bitch, so that we can proudly say that our friend is an IITian in the future.’ I adviced Kartikey who had been sleeping all the time.
‘Usse bol H C Verma gand me lele,’ Kartikey replied in a hjalf sleepy tone.
Later we were in English class and I was glad that I was understating something in the school. It was a breeze but good times have to end.
During the lunch all of us were sitting together along with Milan, Nayan’s cousin.Milo was better known as Milo by everyone. I kept grumbling about mufucking teachers and studies when Milo interrupted me.
‘Saale chup kar, padhai ki baatein nahi. Yahaan aur bhi important matters discuss ho rahe hai.’
‘Thik hai bhai, gussa mat ho.’ I said, amused what could be more important. I should have guessed. What can be really important to a teenager boy like us. It was a discussion regarding a girl called ‘Sanskriti’ whom Milo liked and wanted to hook up with her, but had little luck in it. He wanted us to help him by talking to Sanskriti and know her feelings.
‘Aur suno, uske samnein meri taarif bhi kar dena thodi bohot, please.’ He said to us.
‘Sure yaar. Bhai ke liye kuch bhi.’ I said.
‘Yeah, Sure we will’ Kartikey said, but something was amiss in his voice. He was a bit sarcastic.
Later
I banged my head to the table as I wasn’t able to understand even a word what Goma taught. She was all confused herself and still kept going on. Goma was our maths teacher. I don’t know where her name came from but she was referred to as ‘Goma’ by everyone.
‘Are all your Ramsey teachers like that.’ I asked Kartikey angrily.
‘Maybe Yes.’ He said in with an expressionless face and emotionless voice.
‘Fuck You Goma.’ Someone shouted. I turned to see a boy sitting in front of Sarth showing his middle finger to Goma as she scribbled something on the blackboard.
He was Aman, better known as SD. He was the most notorious boy among the teachers. Though I shared the same feelings as he did.
Then I saw Sarth waving at me. I waved him back. We had most of our conversation on Orkut, though we hadn’t conversed much face to face.
I hadn’t been more glad as the school got over. There was no coaching that day so I just burst into the house and hopped onto the bed.
I had given up on my respected teachers. It has been about a month and I hadn’t been able to understand a single chapter properly.Moreover,most of my time in institute went sleeping. ‘I am so fucked, so fucked up.’ I thought.
I drifted into a sleep full of dreams where I saw myself pissing on every black board of our school. That was some revenge.
4.
The next day we were at the bunkers point with Sanskriti. Mahima had convinced her to miss a class. They kept chatting along which I was least interested in. I knew it would be regarding Milo, but since Sanskriti didn’t know me there was no point of me being there. So I got up and joined Sarth who were also bunking the physics class.
‘Aur bhai Adi class nahi gya.’ Sarth asked.
‘Na bhai, Himmat nahi hui attend karne ki.’
‘Wo sab chhod, tu ye bata kaunsi bandi pasand ayi tujhe?’ Atul asked.
‘Na bhai abhi to koi nahi ayi.’ Obviously, I aint telling the truth.
‘Bhosdi ke tu to pure din ladkiyon ke saath ghumta reheta hai, humse to kabhi baat hi nahi karta.’ He shot back.
‘Chal be, main kaunsi ladki ke saath ghumta hun.’
‘Aur bahaar kyun nahi ata tu? Kabhi dekha nahi tujhe sector chaar mein.’ Sarth said.
‘Yaar time hi kahan hai, maa ke lodhe coaching walon ne gaand laal kar rakhi hai.’
‘Tune bhi coaching join kar rakhi hai.’ Atul butt in.
‘Haan be, Tauji ne kara di.’
Suddenly they burst out laughing.
‘Adi fir to tera IIT pakka.’ Atul said sarcastically.
‘Haan bilkul, 11th mein hi clear kar lunga main to.’I replied back in the same tone.
‘Aaj hai coaching?’ Sarth asked.
‘Haan yaar, maar rakhi hai saalo ne.’
‘To bunk marle. Sab marte hai.’ He replied.
‘Yaar mere insti walo ko pata nahi kya chull hai, sale ghar phone kar deta hai absent hone par.’
‘Chal koi na, agar kabhi khelne aye to bata dio’ he said and I nodded.
‘Aur koi games mein part le raha hai? Sarth asked.
‘Kaunse games?’
‘Abe house matches. Tu Venus house mein hai na?’
‘Haan, to games kab ho rhe hai?’
‘Next week se.’ Sarth said.
‘Tu goalie ke liye try kar, tu achchi goal keeping kar leta hai.’ Atul said.
‘Chal kar leta hun.’
The next day I was there at the ground with other students who all were hopefull of making into their respective teams. Trial went smoothly. There were two candidates for goalkeeping including me and we both were selected.
As I walked towards the bunkers from the ground I saw Kartikey with Sanskriti. I sat down breathing heavily. While I caught some breath, I paid an ear to the conversation.
‘So how do you want your boyfriend to be like?’ Kartikey asked her.
‘I don’t know.’ She answered.
How idiotic, I thought. Like she supposed to say she wanted a man with broad shoulders, on a white horse with a glittering crown and a sharp sword. Kartikey would break rather than make Milos case.
‘How about me?’ he asked. I suddenly stared at him, my jaw dropping a bit. He winked at me and asked me to calm my hot ass down. There is no way he was trying on Sanskriti. There are some unsaid rules in our boy’s friendship. One of them is that you don’t hit upon your friend’s girl, even if he isn’t hooked up with her or has broken up.
‘Haan, teri tarah to hona chahiye.’ She answered back. Now what the fuck was going on. She is giving him a positive signal. Where are we heading?
I waited for Kartikey to finish his flirting and then I literally pulled him away from Sanskriti.
‘Maadarchod tu kya kar raha tha?’
‘Flirt kar raha tha.’ He replied coolly.
‘Saale tujhe pata hai na Milo use pasand karta hai.’
‘Haan pata hai, par Sanskriti use sirf as a friend dekhti hai.’
‘Bhosdi ke tu chutiya hai.’
‘Koi na. Ab chale class?’ He replied back. I was really pissed off by him.
It was the first week of September. It was the match day. Venus vs Neptune. Neptune were supposed to be a really strong team and Venus the underdogs (Underdogs is just a polite way to say that we were about to be raped anally).
Just before the match the I had to change my t shirt but there was no time to go upstairs to the toilet. So I had to change then and there. And owing to my tummy I was really reluctant to do so, but I had no other option. There was a group of girls few feet away from where I was standing. So I turned my back towards them and quickly took of my shirt and wore the new one. As I turned back I saw a girl staring at me. Shit, it was the same girl I had a crush on day one of our school. She was arguably the fairest girl of our school. And she was staring at me.
‘Man, she must have seen me changing. Damn I must be looking like a big blob with this tummy.’ I though as I rushed into the team huddle.
‘Okay guys, let’s go and do it. We can and We will.’
I watched the captain appoint the positions. I wasn’t in the team. The other person was appointed as goalie.
Each half was of 15 minutes. The game started and within 5 minutes we conceded a goal like we were supposed to.. Poor goalie had nothing to do but pick the ball out of the net. And Man was I getting all jittery, seeing their strikers going berserk and ball going ballistic. Or players hardly were able to touch the ball. At the end of first half the score stood 3-0. I was appointed as goalie for the second half, and I knew what to expect.
Bam, a shot struck my head and made me count the stars. But somehow the ball was deflected for a corner. I got surrounded by red and blue shirts.
‘Maa chod dunga agar ball pakadi to.’ A senior twice my size whispered as he shoved me aside. What was he saying. How am I supposed to touch those fireballs shot at me, forget catching.
15 minutes later the agony ended and we lost 6-0 and many were surprised as we didn’t let them go beyond single figures. Many even expected a cricket score. I guess we did well. The second goalie came to me and put his hand on my shoulder.
‘Koi na bhai. Saale defenders apni gand marwa lete hain par maa humari chudti hai.’
He had a point. I walked quickly through the crowd of students and avoided gazes. Then a voice called.
‘Aur Adi, kya hogya tha bhai?’. It was Rawat (Sarth).
‘Lode lag gye.’ I replied sheepishly.
‘Koi na, tumhare defender hi land the, tu kya kar sakta tha.’
‘Haan wo to hai.’
Atul and Vinayak were standing next to him. Vinayak had a stocky built and was a well known glutton. He was also known as Pant by many of his friends.
‘Agli baar jab keeping kare to gand mein tel laga liyo’ Vinayak poked in and they all started laughing. I was peeved by the insult and took leave. I avoided the stares and headed straight towards the class. I burst into the class breathing heavily and straight away sunk into ma chair and laid my head on the table, oblivious to the world for some time.
The next day I was there along the team but ignorant to all that was going on around. I knew I wasn’t in the team so there was no use of me being there. I watched the new goalie stretching, as if he will take the Jupiter house on all by himself. The team was preparing for the third place playoff against the Jupiter.
I would love to see HIM get it anally this time, I thought as I saw the new goalie warm up along the rest of the team. Our captain had arranged brand new goalie from the blue somehow. The team moved into the ground and everyone took their positions. The whistle blew and the play started.
5 minutes later, the Venus had somehow stunned everyone by their spirit as they had denied Jupiter any space. But still the Jupiter somehow bullied the ball into the net. The score stood 1-0. Just as the half time whistle neared the Venus drew level and there ware unprecedented scenes of celebrations.
The jubilant Venus and dejected Jupiter walked out during the break .The Venus goalie stepped in front of me.
‘You saw that stop? That is how you should try to keep.’ He spoke with arrogance.
‘Yeah, that was great. I hope you get us victory.’ I replied, gritting my teeth.
‘That will be ours kid, you just rest and leave that to me.’
Bloddy bitch, I thought.
‘Bhen ke lodhe ki gand mein haathi ka lodha daal dena chahiye.’ The other substitute goalie spoke as he stepped by my side.
‘Bohot uchchal raha hai maadar saala.’ I said with a hoarse voice.
‘Chudega saala abhi.’ He replied.
‘Agar ye chud jaye to main bhagwaan ko paanch rupaiye ka prasad chadhaunga.’ I offered. And man, I didn’t know that even God can be bribed, and that too at such a low cost. cause what followed was more of a carnage.
The second half started and the players started running here and there. Barely a minute and the ball soared into the back of the Venus’s net. The goalie was barely able to move. The Jupiter team soon got more and more stinging and their scoring frequency barely a minute. Our playground turned into jallianwala bagh where the Venus players were bleeding blue.
The match ended with a score of 13-1 and I was dying for a look on our goalie’s face. As expected, he looked more like a raped girl minus the tears and the torn clothes. The Jupiter captain walked out, hailing his team. General Dyer must have looked like him, I thought. And I had than decided to retire as a goalkeeper. There ended my goal keeping career.
5.
The month of September raced past us faster than most, as in October we had our first terminal exam. I was more fucked up than ever. Firstly, my most of the time went on messaging the smackers, playing computer games and ‘Orkuting’ with Sarth and Co. The rest was spent on deciding whether to study for the coaching or for the exams. Barely a week from exam I decided it would be wiser to study for exam. There is no point slogging it out for the unreachable IITs when you flunk in 11th. So I started mugging the NCERTs.
The first exam was of chemistry. As soon as I was handed the paper I read each question carefully. By the time I finished reading the paper I was drenched in sweat. Man that bitch has a serious problem with us students, I thought as I pictured Charulata’s ugly face.
I turned my head 360 degrees and saw every one jotting something on their answer sheets.
‘Hey you, better look into your own paper.’ The invigilator instructed me.
Taking a deep breath, I impregnated the answer sheet with the first drop of ink. Soon I was on course with few of the answers.
At the end of the 3rd hour, I handed my answer sheet to the invigilator.
‘Damn! Where am I?’ I thought as I came out of the hall and waited as the other guys made their way put. First Kartikey came out, totally stoned.
‘Maa ki chut’ he cried. ‘Kitne aaynge tere?’
‘Pata nahi.’ I said
‘Bhenchod main to fail hogya.’ He said.
Just then Nayan and Mahima came out of the hall, both bearing a satisfied look, and I didn’t need to ask much.
The rest of the exams whizzed past and on the eve of last exam, we had decided to hang out at Priya.
After the last exam ended, I walked out of the hall to find Nayan with a confused look.
‘Kya hua be?’ I asked.
‘Charu number bata rahi hai sabke.’
‘Chal fir jaldi.’
‘Ruk, sabko aane de.’
As all of us gather we marched to Charulata’s desk. She was there arranging some papers. She didn’t seem glad as she saw us.
‘Kya karne aaye ho yahan?’
‘Mam, marks pata karne.’
‘Kaunsa tumnein bohot achcha kiya hai jo marks puch rahe ho.’ She said, shrinking her nose. ‘Mere paas abhi register nahi hai, baad mein aana.’
Then she turned her attention to me. ‘Tumhare I think 24 aaye hai.’ I stared at her as if I had seen a ghost.
…………………………………………..
‘Bhenchod main fail hogya.’ I had lost count how many times I had said that. I had been using all sorts of explicate words for my respected teacher all the way to Priya.
‘I don’t believe it. What if she doesn’t really remember your marks and goofed up with it?’ Nayan suggested.
‘I don’t think so. Didn’t you see how that bitch enjoyed telling me that I failed. She won’t say that if she isn’t sure.’
‘Koi nahi, main bhi chudunga.’ Kartikey said sympathetically. ‘Akele teri gand mein garam masaala nahi hai.’
‘Mera tau to mujhe ghar se laat maarkar bhaga dega be.’ I argued in a whiny voice.
Sanya and Mahima laughed, while Raveena just smiled.
‘Kuch nahi hoga be. Everything will be fine.’ Nayan said.
‘Yeah, everything will be fine. That’s what everyone says when nothing will actually be.’
Nobody said more. I guess they gave up trying to console me as I was inconsolable. What else do you expect from a person who has failed for the first time in his life. It hurts the most first time, though later you get used to it.
The weekends were ruined and the nights were sleepless. I woke up in the midst of nightmares in which my uncle was beating the life out of me using his size 10 bata bathroom sleepers.
The school resumed and it was time for the distribution of answer sheets. In short, it might have been the last day of my life. The first answer sheet which my nervous hands held was English. I did fine. 74 out of 100. But the man(or perhaps girl) of the moment was Sanya, who scored 89. Woah!Now that’s what you call a performance.
The agony was yet to begin. There were many more answer sheets coming straight out of the hell brought to us by the demons themselves. Soon we got all our answer sheets except Chemistry. Talk about saving the worst for the last. In other subjects my scores were alright, though I won’t call them respectable. But Kartikey had failed in Maths. Poor guy shook his head in disbelief as soon as he held the sheet. I had done well in computers, scoring 61 out of 70. It was the only silver lining about my result.
‘Chemistry’s ke paper abhi milne baaki hai.’ I shuddered as I narrated the word chemistry.
‘Yup.’ Raveena said.
‘Is Charulata present today.’
‘Unfortunately YES.’
‘Shit, Why doesn’t she meet an accident, like falling off the stairs, or perhaps ramming her car to a parked truck or driving into a toll booth on her way to home or something like that? Why does she have the right to live when I’m about to die?’
‘Adi, shut up.’ Raveena replied, grinning widely.
Speak of the devil and he doth appear.
‘Yes children, settle down fast’ she cried as she entered the room. She had a massive polythene bag full of our answer sheets. In between somewhere laid my death certificate.
She sat on her chair, a grim expression on her face.’Children, you know what, you all have fared poorly in the exam. I am really disappointed.’
‘We would have been better off had you taught us something, you big bitch.’ I whispered to Nayan who sat beside me.
She started distributing papers in a random order. Barely a dozen names later, she called out my name. I walked unenthusiastically as I already knew the outcome. As soon as I walked up to her she asked
‘Maine tumhe kitne marks batae the?’
‘Twenty four.’
‘Oh sorry. Tumhare thirty four hai. Jao tum paas hogye.’ I stared her with wide eyes for a moment, then snatched my paper and walked back with a groggy head. I was damn glad and fucking infuriated at the same time.
‘I’m suing her for all that torture she caused me to undergo.’ I said as I took my seat beside Nayan.
‘What happened?’ He asked
‘I scored thirty four, not twenty four, which means I passed the exam.’
‘Oh great! I Told ya.Wait I’ll be back.’ He said, as he ran towards Charulata to claim what was his.
He came back with a satisfied expression on his face. Forty three out of Seventy. Not bad.
‘Great yaar, good score.’ I said as I inspected his paper.
‘Thik hai, par abhi to tu mujhse zyada khush hoga.’ He replied.
‘No way, I want to smack the tongue out of that witch for subjecting me to the pain and those sleepless nights I went through.’
Soon we all got our papers and after distributing the sheets, Charulata left the room. Everyone in my group had passed, including Kartikey, who was claimed that he would fail, though he barely saved his skin.
I saw Vinayak at the corner chair tearing his answer sheet into bits and throwing them off from the window, abusing Charulata as he did that, and that too with a smile on his face.
‘He sure looks happy.’ I called out to Nayan pointing towards Vinayak.
‘Sure he does.’ He said, laughing.
So in the end I had passed all the subjects. This means I evaded the bata sleeper of my uncle and wouldn’t get the number ‘10’ printed all over my face and body. What a relief.
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